Depression

It’s real, it doesn’t discriminate: whether you have all the money in the world or you’re broke, no matter your color.

Unless you personally go through it, it’s hard to understand depression.

It brings forth the hard truth that materialistic things don’t matter.

Once upon a time, I thought and felt like I didn’t matter. I went through the motions but I had this constant thought “it wouldn’t make a difference if I wasn’t here anymore.” The world would keep spinning with or without me. I felt that I had no value, no worth, nothing to contribute to the world.

It’s a hard habit to break, especially if you’ve ever been bullied. I would cry because I had so little faith myself. I’d keep to myself, remain reclusive because what was the point? I felt alone.

I started seeing the school psychologist by force but after God, that’s what saved me. I needed someone to listen, someone to hear me, someone to see me.

 I had to learn to love myself, to not let other people’s hurtful words crush me. I had to learn to accept myself because there’s only one me.

 It isn’t a 1,2,3 thing, you don’t just wake up one day and say “I’m not depressed anymore”. It’s a process, slow but nonetheless a process. It isn’t easy but certain things do help, such as

  • surrounding yourself with people who care about you and appreciate you

  • daily words/phrases/quotes that promote positivity

  • seeking help.

Sometimes we think that no one will get us, we’ll be dismissed but YOU have to try. I have this hoodie that says “You Matter” on the front and on the inside sleeves near the wrist area it reads “I feel weak” on the left side “but I know I’m strong” on the right side. Every time I wear it, I’m reminded of how far I’ve come and how much I overcame.I am still here and I’m okay. The world can still spin after I’m gone but that’s okay because I meant something. I mean something. I matter. I have a reason to live. I MATTER!

The end goal is to find your purpose, find a reason, at least one for the will to keep going. Someone loves you, someone cares about you, someone wants to see you succeed, someone wants to see you happy. Believe that.

 

 

 

A Mad Black Woman

Independent in her own right

Born and raised to be her own person

But that doesn’t mean she don’t need nobody

Intimidating to some and feared by most

The power of her posture makes all stop and starve

Jealousy surrounds those near her

But no mind is ever paid to them

Because she knows her purpose

Her strength and power is not blind to her eyes

She loves fiercely, she cares deeply

Men find her a challenge for she’s never submissive

But dominance isn’t her strong point either

Book and street smart, beauty and brains

Her smile dazzles all, her eyes mesmerize the strongest

Independent oh yes she is

In another world she’s very man’s fantasy

You could call her bad but that would never do her justice

But go ahead and call her fierce

Because she is a mad black woman.