Depression

It’s real, it doesn’t discriminate: whether you have all the money in the world or you’re broke, no matter your color.

Unless you personally go through it, it’s hard to understand depression.

It brings forth the hard truth that materialistic things don’t matter.

Once upon a time, I thought and felt like I didn’t matter. I went through the motions but I had this constant thought “it wouldn’t make a difference if I wasn’t here anymore.” The world would keep spinning with or without me. I felt that I had no value, no worth, nothing to contribute to the world.

It’s a hard habit to break, especially if you’ve ever been bullied. I would cry because I had so little faith myself. I’d keep to myself, remain reclusive because what was the point? I felt alone.

I started seeing the school psychologist by force but after God, that’s what saved me. I needed someone to listen, someone to hear me, someone to see me.

 I had to learn to love myself, to not let other people’s hurtful words crush me. I had to learn to accept myself because there’s only one me.

 It isn’t a 1,2,3 thing, you don’t just wake up one day and say “I’m not depressed anymore”. It’s a process, slow but nonetheless a process. It isn’t easy but certain things do help, such as

  • surrounding yourself with people who care about you and appreciate you

  • daily words/phrases/quotes that promote positivity

  • seeking help.

Sometimes we think that no one will get us, we’ll be dismissed but YOU have to try. I have this hoodie that says “You Matter” on the front and on the inside sleeves near the wrist area it reads “I feel weak” on the left side “but I know I’m strong” on the right side. Every time I wear it, I’m reminded of how far I’ve come and how much I overcame.I am still here and I’m okay. The world can still spin after I’m gone but that’s okay because I meant something. I mean something. I matter. I have a reason to live. I MATTER!

The end goal is to find your purpose, find a reason, at least one for the will to keep going. Someone loves you, someone cares about you, someone wants to see you succeed, someone wants to see you happy. Believe that.

 

 

 

Lost & Found Review

Don’t you fucking dare claim you care about me

When you know damn well

That if a random bitch gave you attention

You’d be deep inside her

Don’t you dare act like I mean something to you

When you would never follow through

Trying to act like I’m special when we’re alone

But in public you can barely spare me a look

No fuck you

I’m tired of you trying to play with my emotions

You shallow bastard

Ain’t got nothing going except for your fucking looks

And your intelligent ass brain

Treat me with respect and disinterest in public

But you wanna go for a ride when we alone

No bitch

No

Fuck you and please

Stay clear

The anger in me

Blah blah blah

That’s all I hear coming out your mouth right now

And if you didn’t get it before

Here’s the deal

I DON’T GIVE A FUCK

So go suck yourself, you nappy headed hoe

Im tired of your bullshits and whining

I never was in the mood for you and never will be

So do us both a favor before you lose your pride

Quit sucking me, STOP trying to be me

Honestly, I don’t think you realize im not listening to you

You wanna hate me than be my guest

But since you have nothing better to do with your life

Well what can I say but

Sucks to be you