How I met my boyfriend

It was a Sunday night in late November, early December, about 10 p.m. when I first saw him. I don’t remember what I was wearing but I was definitely not dressed to my best potential. However I recall, he was wearing dark grey sweatpants with a red hoodie and a hat … Now that I think about it, I think I had on sweatpants and a hat too. He caught my eye from the start even though I was talking on and off with another guy.

We sort of got to know each other through our environment and around February, I texted my sister and my cousin saying “I think I have a crush on this guy.” Never did I imagine that he would be remotely attracted to me. Not trying to say that I’m not something but I honestly thought that I was out of his league.

This is when I started to think that maybe he liked me. One night around 8 o’clock, I think this was late March, we stood outside talking (in the cold). The vibe was right, our conversation was nice, light and easy.  It was a bunch of random topics but somehow we made them all connect. (I’m smiling right now just thinking about it). The second time was in April after I came back from my vacation. I jokingly said “I know you like looking at me, it’s because you missed me isn’t it?” (Cocky much lol). But he mumbled something underneath his breath that sounded a lot like “yeah maybe a little”.

Crazy thing is even with all that, I was still wasn’t sure that he liked liked me.

Fast forward to the end of April, he asked me out!!!! What went through my mind were the following, is he drunk? is this a joke? is this real? am I dreaming?  He was nervous but yet he “shot his shot”.  His words went as followed: “I like you, I think we would have fun together, will you go out with me?” Of course I said yes.

Unfortunately with our schedules, we haven’t had our official first date yet. But every time we spend time together, I get to know him a little better and I’m glad I didn’t let my doubts stop me from saying yes. He makes me laugh, he pays attention, he’s straight with me (if I mess up, he’ll tell me) and I appreciate that.

Relationships aren’t easy and they require effort on both ends. And when you care about someone and they reciprocate your feelings; you realize that through the good, the bad, the ugly you’ll stick by them because there’s no one else you’d rather be with.

 

P.S. For those wondering what happened with the other guy that I was on and off with, I told him that I wanted to put my full attention on someone else and he accepted. No drama, no fuss.

Dating vs. Being in a Relationship

Dating is the art of getting to know someone better, someone who you are considering committing yourself to or have decided to commit yourself to. Being in a relationship is a commitment and comes with a title. 

Think of it as stages that sort of intertwine.  There’s the “talking” stage where you’re kind of getting a feel for the person. You’re interested but not sure yet if you’re compatible or if that person is worth your efforts.

Dating is the fun part, the best part really because there’s always something to discover.  Dating allows for adventure, challenges that brings you together and defines you. Dating is a way to grow. Dating is backing words with actions. Talk is cheap, anyone can say “I love you” but that doesn’t mean that they mean it. We’ve all been there so we know.

A relationship means I am committed to you. Imagine a pool: “talking” is dipping your toes to test the waters. Dating is putting your legs or 3/4 of your body in the water and a relationship is a full on submersion. 

The key to a lasting relationship besides putting God first is to never stop dating. That’s why I really wanted to do this blog. Sometimes along the way, relationships start to feel like a chore. You go to same places over and over and it becomes routine; you think the logical thing to do is get married because you’ve been together for so long. When you haven’t been dating since you got in the relationship, you assumed that you know everything that you learned in the beginning. Not taking in the fact that you’ve both changed and hopefully have grown during that time period and that there’s always something new to learn. 

So ladies and gents, whether you’re single, in a relationship, married or whatever, remember NEVER stop dating.

Why we scream on roller coasters

It’s a total lack of trust

So here’s what happened, during my birthday week celebration my parents went on their first roller coaster ride. After the ride my dad said “I thought I was gonna fall, but after the first dip I didn’t fall and I knew I would be okay.”

Fast forward to tonight, I just watched “nobody’s fool” with my sisters and it hit me. (Tipsy mind working). We scream because we don’t trust that we won’t fall or we think that somewhere long the ride something will go wrong and we won’t be able to recover from the damage.

Sort of like when people get hurt and then decide to get back out there. You know you want to move on (get on that roller coaster), you know you’ve pre-vetted the guy or girl (checked to make sure you’re truly strapped in) but you still scream when the ride goes down on turns a corner too fast or goes backwards at top speed. You get scared when things start to go wrong, a.k.a your first disagreement/argument.

Here’a how “Nobody’s Fool” ties in. Danica (Tika Sumpter) is heartbroken over her ex-fiance dumping her and moving on. Even though Danica’s been hurt she still wants to find love, she wants someone who matches everything on her “list.” (Lists don’t work ladies/gents). Charlie (the guy she’s never met but has been dating for a year) seems like the perfect guy. He checks everything off her list while Frank (Omari Chadwick) is someone she could never see herself associated with. Of course, predictable we know who she ends up with.

However, during the movie Danica “harmlessly” flirted with Frank while she was dating Charlie. (She didn’t want to admit that she had a thing for Frank). As she gets to know more about Frank (who she actually sees regularly) she becomes blinded by his flaws and imperfections (things that aren’t on her list). But, he’s great in bed so she keeps him around until she finally meets Charlie. Danica drops Frank like hot potatoes to be with the guy who matches everything on her “list”. Finds out, Charlie isn’t the guy for her but she was so stuck on that list that she couldn’t see Frank for what he was.

Danica’s list was her safety net or in this case “pre-vetting” process. Frank is clearly the roller coaster, he takes turns with her that feel unexpected and because it doesn’t fit her “plan” for her life she tries to fall back.

What am I getting at? Trust yourself to make the right decision for YOU. Let go and enjoy the twist and turns of your partner, it builds character. I am not saying to stay with an asshole or jerk or disrespectful person. But don’t dismiss someone simply because they don’t fit in your box.

I wanna hold your hand

The first time we held hands I knew

I knew you were special

Oh I tried to deny it

Like I didn’t feel the sparks

Like my heart didn’t just skip a beat

But deep down I knew

 

The way our palms met effortlessly

and our fingers intertwined as if we’ve been doing this for a while

When we first held hands

Our souls met and that was the beginning of forever

Deep down I knew and you did too

It’s like our hearts had it’s own conversation

That our brain wasn’t invited to

They spoke a secret language that only they could understand

 

And now looking down at our hands

Old and wrinkled, with scars full of stories

I know that, I never wanna let go of your hand

 

 

Movies Don’t Count as a First Date

I know! I’ve made that mistake too. But let’s walk through this together.

  • you can’t talk at the movies
    • unless you’re that asshole who spends the whole movie talking or texting away (DON’T BE THAT PERSON)
  • you can’t see each other
    • the movies is a dark and cold setting – if this is your first date outside of where you normally see each other, do you really wanna be in THAT sort of place?
  • it honestly gives the wrong idea
    • maybe i’m the only one who sees it this way because of how my parents drilled certain things in me
    • in saying so
      • day-time movies are for hooking up and fooling around (who sits in a dark corner when you practically have the whole theater to yourself?)

But here’s the good news, you can go to the movies for your first date if dinner is first involved. The food at the stands are expensive anyway so it’s best to go on a full stomach. Here’s the other plus side: if dinner was a bust, you don’t have to stick it out for the movie.

Another list.. yayyy!! Anyways, here are some great places for a first date.

  • Local diner – if you don’t mind being seen
  • A park – be one with nature if that’s your thing
  • An underrated restaurant – there’s just something about them
  • The library – if it’s of common interest
  • A coffee shop – great if you’re trying to get a feel of someone

Of course there are more places to go; the world is a vast place especially if you both have your own transportation.

 

Feel free to comment your best first dates, I love stories.

You’re Breaking My Walls

 

I didn’t want to like you

You’re not what I had in mind for a partner

I wanted someone 6 feet tall with strong shoulders

I dreamed of a guy who could sing and dance

I imagined a guy who would fix all my car troubles

But instead I found you

You’re barely 6 feet and your back doesn’t make drool

You don’t know every kinks of a car but you know enough to calm me down

You can’t hold a tune but your moves more than make-up for it

You make me laugh

You see past my bulls*** and call me out on it

You’re not afraid to show your emotions

Your respect for me exceeds my expectations

Your love for God motivates me to get closer to Him

You fill the voids I didn’t think needed to be filled

 

… It was never about your looks

Your character swept me off my feet

You stayed true to yourself from the start

Never wavered, never backed down

And now

You’ve broken down my walls and my heart feels empty without you

Do’s and Don’ts of a first date

DO

  • Meet at a neutral/mutual yet comfortable space
    • Public such as a diner, park
  • Drive yourself (if you can)
  • Text someone you trust your location
    • Yes, even if your date isn’t a complete stranger
  • Wear comfortable yet attractive clothing
    • Shave your legs even if he doesn’t see them
    • Wear cute flats or low platform shoes
  • Make sure your phone is well charged and the location for meetup has good connection
  • Pray
  • Enjoy yourself
  • Keep the kiss simply and swift (best not to confuse lust, if you’re really trying to create a connection)
  • Avoid dark alleys
  • Bring a sweater or light cardigan
  • Bring cash (for tip, parking, etc.) it’s good to be extra prepared
  • Set a deadline to be home by

DON’T

  • Try out a new dress on the first date
  • Text the night away (talk to each other)
  • Talk politics or religion (they tend to mar your view forever)
  • Talk about overly personal things
  • Talk about your ex (you’re not over them if you bring them up)
  • Drink excessively (alcohol loosens the tongue too much)
  • Try to impress them (be yourself) – originality is attractive and there’s only one you
  • Have sex the first time you go out – yes it can be difficult especially when sparks are flying but try not to
  • Go somewhere overly fancy – like poker never show your best cards first 😉