It would be wrong and unfair to put all the blame on your partner for a failed relationship. A little while after my breakup last year, a friend told me something I wasn’t ready to hear. “You chose that person.”

Yeah I had to sit with that, for a while.

I had to, have to be honest with myself, I said yes. No one coerced me or manipulated me or lied to me/for me. It was my decision to enter that relationship.

I allowed myself to be verbally and sometimes emotionally abused. [Not victim blaming]. But in full transparency, I wanted to fix him, I thought I could fix him. Lisa, why would you get in a relationship to fix someone? That wasn’t why I said yes.

I said yes because he made me laugh, he was a little weird and I could relate to that and I am attracted to hard working men. As the relationship went, I realized that he needed help and he trusted me. So I thought I could try to save him, help him, change him. That led to allowing things that I wouldn’t have put up with from others.

Yeah, that relationship drained me.

I am not a therapist, once upon a time I wanted to be. But then I realized that having my own issues and listening to others wouldn’t bode well for my mental state. And that’s what I tried to be with/for him. Unlicensed, unprepared and gosh I held it all in, except for the rare occasions I actually journaled.

I am taking responsibility for being too complacent, for not walking away sooner, for losing myself while trying to build someone else up.

Choosing them was my decision and I don’t regret that relationship. I learned that I can’t be with someone who puts work first, doesn’t have a good relationship with their family, and is unwilling on improving themselves for themselves. I mean I get it, some things are hard wired but I do believe that wholeheartedly, you can make changes, one step at a time.

Am I healed or healing? Could I enter a relationship without comparing it to my last one? Have I grown? Am I still bitter? Do I hold any grudges? I think these are all questions to ask ourselves before moving forward. It would be in your favor to answer these as openly and as honestly as you can.

Wishing you all a happy, prosperous and healthy new year!