Dating vs. Being in a Relationship

Dating is the art of getting to know someone better, someone who you are considering committing yourself to or have decided to commit yourself to. Being in a relationship is a commitment and comes with a title. 

Think of it as stages that sort of intertwine.  There’s the “talking” stage where you’re kind of getting a feel for the person. You’re interested but not sure yet if you’re compatible or if that person is worth your efforts.

Dating is the fun part, the best part really because there’s always something to discover.  Dating allows for adventure, challenges that brings you together and defines you. Dating is a way to grow. Dating is backing words with actions. Talk is cheap, anyone can say “I love you” but that doesn’t mean that they mean it. We’ve all been there so we know.

A relationship means I am committed to you. Imagine a pool: “talking” is dipping your toes to test the waters. Dating is putting your legs or 3/4 of your body in the water and a relationship is a full on submersion. 

The key to a lasting relationship besides putting God first is to never stop dating. That’s why I really wanted to do this blog. Sometimes along the way, relationships start to feel like a chore. You go to same places over and over and it becomes routine; you think the logical thing to do is get married because you’ve been together for so long. When you haven’t been dating since you got in the relationship, you assumed that you know everything that you learned in the beginning. Not taking in the fact that you’ve both changed and hopefully have grown during that time period and that there’s always something new to learn. 

So ladies and gents, whether you’re single, in a relationship, married or whatever, remember NEVER stop dating.

Shoot Your Shot

How to shoot your shot?

If you’re shy, the best thing would be to throw that shyness out the window. However, if timidity is just a part of your personality here are some tips.

  • Directly ask for his/her number (preferably in person, I know it scares you but you can do it).
  • Start a conversation: ask questions you want to know the answer to
    • ex: what do you do for fun? maybe you’ll have common hobbies which could be what leads to your first date.
    • what sort of food do you like to eat? you’ll have an idea of what to avoid/get when you get food together
    • what’s your typical bedtime? you can’t get mad at them for not answering a text at 2 a.m.  if they already told you their usual bedtime is about 12 a.m.
  • Be consistent – personally nothing aggravates me more than a fool who pops in and out on me. One moment it’s “when are we hanging out?” or some version of that to absolute silence, no communication for weeks or months. If you’re interested I need that consistency. (I believe most people would agree).
  • Show off a little bit – and I do mean a LITTLE bit, it’s good to see what you’re confident. Whether it be writing spoken word or singing or playing an instrument or whatever. Let them know this is ONE or two of the many things you excel at.
  • Laughter: I know, this should be common sense but there is nothing more attractive than someone who can make you laugh. That shows your “crush” that YOU have a sense of humor AND they GET your humor. Nobody likes when their jokes fall flat.

 

For my bold friends, the approaches above work too. However, here’s how you could do things differently.

  • Use your main point of contact such as Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat, Twitter, Text and say “I find you to be (insert adjective) and I’d like to know you better” or some version of that.
    • straight forward, to the point, you’re not playing games.
  • Set up a face to face interaction between the two of you within at least two weeks.
    • there are some people who only believe in communicating behind screens – we’re not about that.
  • Let me know how it goes from there.

 

IF you shoot your shot and get turned down – First, I’m sorry and that’s their lost. But how do you handle that? Because truthfully, you could follow the setup above and still get shot down. It sucks and it hurts and it kicks at your self-esteem. Everyone deals differently so I don’t know. But I’ll tell you what I’ve done when I got shot down, in my next blog post. Stay tuned.

 

Movies Don’t Count as a First Date

I know! I’ve made that mistake too. But let’s walk through this together.

  • you can’t talk at the movies
    • unless you’re that asshole who spends the whole movie talking or texting away (DON’T BE THAT PERSON)
  • you can’t see each other
    • the movies is a dark and cold setting – if this is your first date outside of where you normally see each other, do you really wanna be in THAT sort of place?
  • it honestly gives the wrong idea
    • maybe i’m the only one who sees it this way because of how my parents drilled certain things in me
    • in saying so
      • day-time movies are for hooking up and fooling around (who sits in a dark corner when you practically have the whole theater to yourself?)

But here’s the good news, you can go to the movies for your first date if dinner is first involved. The food at the stands are expensive anyway so it’s best to go on a full stomach. Here’s the other plus side: if dinner was a bust, you don’t have to stick it out for the movie.

Another list.. yayyy!! Anyways, here are some great places for a first date.

  • Local diner – if you don’t mind being seen
  • A park – be one with nature if that’s your thing
  • An underrated restaurant – there’s just something about them
  • The library – if it’s of common interest
  • A coffee shop – great if you’re trying to get a feel of someone

Of course there are more places to go; the world is a vast place especially if you both have your own transportation.

 

Feel free to comment your best first dates, I love stories.

Do’s and Don’ts of a first date

DO

  • Meet at a neutral/mutual yet comfortable space
    • Public such as a diner, park
  • Drive yourself (if you can)
  • Text someone you trust your location
    • Yes, even if your date isn’t a complete stranger
  • Wear comfortable yet attractive clothing
    • Shave your legs even if he doesn’t see them
    • Wear cute flats or low platform shoes
  • Make sure your phone is well charged and the location for meetup has good connection
  • Pray
  • Enjoy yourself
  • Keep the kiss simply and swift (best not to confuse lust, if you’re really trying to create a connection)
  • Avoid dark alleys
  • Bring a sweater or light cardigan
  • Bring cash (for tip, parking, etc.) it’s good to be extra prepared
  • Set a deadline to be home by

DON’T

  • Try out a new dress on the first date
  • Text the night away (talk to each other)
  • Talk politics or religion (they tend to mar your view forever)
  • Talk about overly personal things
  • Talk about your ex (you’re not over them if you bring them up)
  • Drink excessively (alcohol loosens the tongue too much)
  • Try to impress them (be yourself) – originality is attractive and there’s only one you
  • Have sex the first time you go out – yes it can be difficult especially when sparks are flying but try not to
  • Go somewhere overly fancy – like poker never show your best cards first 😉