So there’s this guy that I like. Liked him for a while but it’s always been an internal battle. I’ve prayed over it, asked for signs, got answers and I still go back and forth in my mind. Recently we were talking, and as I am relearning him, this question popped up in my head. Now I don’t want to confuse the man further so I’ll pose the question here. How do you love?

We know and heard of the 5 love languages, and they usually apply on how we want to be loved. But how do we love on ourselves and others? For example: self love looks like what for you? If you love your parents, siblings, friends, close relatives what does that love look like?

We’re going beyond the sexual desires and wants that comes in a relationship. What did love look like for you growing up? As Haitians we sometimes joke that instead of saying “I love you” we ask “did you eat?” Instead of saying: baby, sweetie or honey we’ll call you big head or something “gently insulting”.

Now I bring this up because, maybe I’m overthinking (I hope not) but I called him something outside of what I usually call him and I don’t think he took it well. I was joking with the man, but it’s not the first time I’ve heard that my jokes hurt. Which brings me to the question, how do you love and how do you want to be loved?

The easier question for me to answer is, how do I want to be loved? I am not a big fan of physical touch, but I do like hugs (depending on the person and reason). For me, acts of service is the biggest way for someone to let me know that they care. Whether that’s checking in just because, doing something that I mentioned off hand, volunteering to help me with something. That shows you’re paying attention to me. [I am swayed by words but when the actions don’t match the words I get thrown off my loop.]

How do I love? I would also say act of service is big for me. I am an empath so I’m always taking notice to people’s habits and possible needs. It’s not always to my advantage because sometimes I do feel taken advantage of, but I also put myself in that position. People would consider me to be reliable, someone you would want to have on your team. I like to feel wanted and if I can help fulfill something for people, it makes me feel good. And oh my gosh, I just realized why I’ve been attracting broken men.

Haha besides that, I show love through quality time. I am slightly an introvert so I really have to be in the mood to even be around people. Weird I know, for me it’s enough to just be in your presence. However I do know that’s not enough for some people. (character development, I recognize my shortcomings!!)

I am learning, because that’s what you do as you grow. I am learning that everyone shouldn’t be loved the same, nor do they want to be loved the same you want to be loved. Basically, I think it’s important to have such conversations. On a chill night in each other’s company, ask and find out: what are your top love languages, how do you want to be loved, how do you show love? I do believe it makes certain things in a relationship make more sense.