Pages of Love

My church hosted a “Girls Chat” featuring our First Lady, Prophetess Lesley Osei and the mother of one of our ministers, First Lady Angelina Boateng. In this chat, after fellowship in the foyer, we sat down with both first ladies and First Lady Boateng captured the attention of over 50 women in person and over 1000 online viewers.

First Lady Boateng took us through a glimpse of her life. From being the youngest of 10 living in Ghana, to her journey before she took God seriously and dedicated her life to Christ, to her courtship with her now husband and the journey of becoming a First Lady. Her open and honest dialogue brought out a blessing and sense of peace for many. [Feel free to view the chat here.]

One of the many things I took from this chat, is the importance of waiting well. Our First Lady, Prophetess had preached on this subject in regards to the “Suffering well”. The best way to really summarize it would be, focus on your focus.

Many of us desire marriage, though the world may make it seem like people don’t want to get married, we do.

I’m in a season where I am preparing and being prepared for the next step, which is marriage. I’m single, not talking to anyone, not entertaining anyone, not really eying anyone either. And through the teachings I have received this year, and most recently from the Girls Chat, it has been highlighted again and again the importance of preparing in your waiting season.

When you’re pregnant, you don’t wait for the baby to be born to start putting together their nursery. However, for some reason we don’t apply that same concept to marriage. I’m not talking about planning your wedding in advance. No, I’m talking about the things that will sustain your marriage, your character.

Ask yourself real quick, would you let your child date you? Think of your character, your habits, how you behave, how you react when emotions are high, how you handle conflict, how you occupy your time, your work ethics, your relationship with your family, how you treat strangers. Is that someone that you would want your children to be attracted to?

Yes, by all means if lead to do so, plan your wedding. However, after the celebration is over and it’s the two of you, will your marriage last? In the time of courtship/dating we tend to put our best selves forward, especially the first few months. We’re attracted to our partners and we want to keep them attracted. We take care of our appearance, we’re mindful of how we present ourselves. Then as the couple gets more familiar with one another, we really come out of our cocoon and show our true selves.

Is your true self a good person?

As you reflect, especially if you’re single, what don’t you like about your character that you want to improve? Many times we focus on being the person our partner wants us to be and we lose our identity in the process. However, when you improve to be the best version of you for you, you’ll never feel burdened to be someone else for your partner.

What does waiting well mean or look like? In the case of marriage: can you take care of yourself? Are you able to cook and feed yourself? can you do laundry? can you clean? are you able to set the table? When you come home from work or school or have some down time, what does that look like? Many times we want people to do for us, what we wouldn’t even do for ourselves. Example: “I want someone who can take me out to eat at a fancy restaurant” ok that’s great but can you take yourself out to a nice dinner?

I know money factors in heavily and if you’re not honest with yourself about your finances now, that habit probably won’t change later either.

For myself, I’m unlearning just leaving the house without telling people where I’m going. It’s not in the matter of someone having control over me, but rather a form of respect. I am being more cognizant of the value I am able to add to my future husband. As a couple we should complement each other, where one lacks the other can fulfill and vice versa. As the saying goes, “iron sharpens iron”.

During your waiting for marriage season, especially if you’re single; learn a new skill, fix a bad habit, improve on knowledge. Be open to new experiences. If you’re in a relationship with the goal of marriage, these things still apply.

One key that resonated with me the night of the Girls Chat was to truly learn to let go. Don’t sweat the small stuff (great book by the way), which while you’re single is probably the best time to get in the habit of not holding grudges, forgiving and having a light heart. That’s a hard one for many, but step by step, little by little, start with the small things and work your way up. Now that doesn’t mean put up with things that are dealbreakers for you, address those early on.

My last relationship highlighted the importance of communicating. Open your mouth and say the words, if something is bothering you, address with respect and kindness. Just like you willingly and openly appreciate the things people do for you, the same way don’t allow people to touch your bottom line. Honestly, check your list of hard-no’s, if certain things are noticeable during the dating stage and you’ve addressed it to no avail, let them go.

While you’re waiting, whether for marriage or anything, take that time to improve and better yourself and prepare for what you’re expecting/asking for. That’s not the time to sit arms crossed and be lazy, work on your craft, always strive to be the best or better version of you.