Healthy Marriage

From the outside looking in, what would make you look at a couple and say oh yeah they have a healthy marriage? I am not married yet, but one of my girlfriends and I happened to bring up the topic. It made me ponder, how will my husband and I reflect a healthy marriage, not just to our friends and strangers but even down the line to our children?

To me, it comes down to intention. First, why do you want to be married? What is your goal or purpose entering this union or relationship? Your goals should be like-minded, especially for someone who is looking to be married? There are questions to ask and come to an understanding about prior to even getting a ring.

Do you want kids? If so how many? What’s your faith and is that a non-negotiable? Please, please, please discuss your political views prior to marriage. Are you educated, if so should your partner be of equal or higher educational standing? Here’s a real one that we often ignore, how is/was your relationship with your parents or guardians? Imagine coming from a healthy family but your partner has a bad relationship with their mother. Now as a woman who will, maybe one day be a mother, will he look at you with the same eyes that he sees/saw his mother? Do people in his family get married and stay married? Because honestly, sometimes that’s a generational curse that needs to be broken. What is your and that person’s mental state? What cultural values are you bringing into your relationship? Health history!!! Not just STDs but also possible hereditary diseases.

Finances! Yes, a scary topic, scarier then politics but needed to be had. According to Forbes latest article, 38% of people who get divorced say it’s because of financial tensions. How much debt are you bringing into your marriage? Do you have a plan to lower your debt? That’s to be considered especially if your intention is to buy a house together. Are you going to file separately for taxes or together? Based on your incomes, how much are you both going to contribute financially. If your job takes you away from home, how will that be handled?

I got side-tracked! But I do feel that with some of these questions clearly answered, it can lead to a healthy marriage. Why? This translates to open communication and understanding with your partner.

To me, some signs that reflect a healthy marriage from the outside looking in includes: support of each other, confidence in your partner, allowing your partner to retain their individuality though two have become one.

I’m curious, what has made you look at a married couple and say, yeah it looks like they have a healthy union?