It’s after midnight and I’ve just finished an episode of NCIS where McGee finally proposes to Delilah. Of course, my emotional self tears up a little because it’s love and it’s meant to be. And it got me thinking because this is a question I’ve been analyzing for months now. Why do people get married?
Backstory: between December and January two of my very close friends got engaged. (Squeal) Wedding time! Both whose love stories I have watched grow from its early phase. One never wanted to get married due to her environment when it came to marriage. The other one was always down to get married but it had to be with the right person.
Back to me: truth be told my boyfriend doesn’t believe in marriage, I do. He has experienced and seen some shit that would turn any person in their right mind off about marriage. (I guess he is in his right mind).However, I want to get married, someday (no rush, it still scares me a little).
I’ll be the first to admit that my parents aren’t a perfect couple. Although I will say, watching them have taught me what I do and don’t want in my marriage. What sort of things should be discussed before we get on the marriage path.
I want to get married because I believe in us, myself as an individual and my life partner. I think people tend to get so caught up in planning the wedding that they aren’t prepared to be married.
I can’t say I know everything, but I do know that marriage isn’t easy. It is hard work, harder than just dating. It’s not about the wedding day but all the moments afterwards. Maybe your job of 15 years wants you to relocate, you find out one of you can’t have kids, you get laid off, you buy a new home in a nice neighborhood, one of you gets promoted to VP. It’s all those moments and how to receive them that makes a marriage.
I’ve asked some coworkers why they got married and they said “Lisa, don’t do it” or my favorite of all “it’s just a piece of paper”. On a Facebook group chat, some of the answers included: because I was told to, for security, to have a kid, for papers. Very few said “because he’s my best friend” or for love.
As I grow older I realize, that love isn’t enough reason to get married. If I ask myself, honestly why I want to get married, well because I don’t want to be alone. It’s a funny thing coming from me, a preferred loner. But for me to say yes and decide to get married, I would need more than love. I need respect, value, equality and again respect.
Marriage is a beautiful thing, especially when God is involved. Whether you believe in Him or not is up to you. For example: when things aren’t good with my boyfriend or we get into a “tiff” I was always close my eyes and say “God, speak on my behalf. Don’t let me say something I’ll regret”. Why? Because even though sometimes I wanna choke him, I value him, I respect him and I would never want to emotionally, physically or mentally hurt him.
Would I force my boyfriend into marriage or give him an ultimatum, no. We chose each other for a reason, we saw something in each other from the start even when we weren’t sure what it was. We love each other, respect each other and best of all understand each other.
Why do people get married? Depends on the couple: tradition, babies, security, the list goes on. Whatever the reason, remember that the success of your marriage is on both partners doing their part to make it work.