What are we?

A dreaded question for both parties involved. The women (who is usually the one asking) doesn’t want to feel stupid so she’ll ask. The men don’t usually want to answer that question because a) they don’t know the answer/what they want b) they don’t want to hurt your feelings by being honest.

Someone had come to me recently and had asked “how did you know that you and your boyfriend were “titled”. The answer; when he started introducing me to others as his girlfriend and not just by my name. For instance, when he originally asked me out, I didn’t automatically label him as my boyfriend. To me he was the guy that I found myself attracted to and we’re exclusively talking. Now here’s why I say exclusively, when he asked me out he was straightforward. There was no “oh, this guy and I are spending a lot of time together all of a sudden and doing late night phone calls”. Rather, he said he wanted to get to know me better and since the feeling was mutual I willingly cut off everyone else.

Here’s my thing and we can agree to disagree but, if you have to ask what are we? Ladies deep down you already know the answer but just need a vocal confirmation. Fellas, if you don’t want to answer it there’s a high key chance that you’re just wasting her time. I truly believe that when someone is serious about you, you won’t be second-guessing your position in their life (if you even have one).

My advice to the individual was this: don’t ask what are we? Before you even got into your situationship you had an idea of what you were going into. If you want more than what you currently have going on, speak up. A guy can’t read your mind just like you can’t read his. If and I do mean if, if you’re okay with how things are then continue to go with the flow until things either run their course or progress. If you want more say something, don’t put the man in a rough spot because you’re indirectly trying to see what he’s thinking.

This was a scenario I gave her. Say for example you’re with this person and you’re questioning your position in their life but won’t speak up. So now whatever you have is unsteady because you don’t know where you stand. All of a sudden someone else comes along and you know exactly where you stand, wouldn’t you walk away from the unsteady situation?

At the end of the day, the question to ask isn’t “what are we?’. Instead ask yourself, am I content with this or do I need more? Am I strong enough to ask or do I walk away?